5 Rules for Facebook

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Now that the mid-term elections are over I've decided to come out of my foxhole. I'm telling you guys, from what I could see looking over this mound of dirt ...it's been BRUTAL out there. 

I'll just go on and say what we're all thinking. 

Some of you people are bat shit crazy. 

Thank GOD we've got social media to sort all this out. If it wasn't for the internet, I wouldn't have an opinion.

Why couldn't we have been adopted by someone with a decent Wi-Fi network?

Tom & Jerry-600.jpg

According to all of you I'm a blank slate (and BTW how did you get copies of my high school report cards? Damn you Edward Snowden!). Thank you from the bottom of my ignorant heart, for telling me HOW to vote...WHEN to vote...WHO to vote for...and most importantly, WHICH of the candidates were baby-killing Satanists. 

THAT was a HUGE help. 

We have two years until the next BIG political dustup, so Ima gonna save you some valuable time for the next time around. 

Hell to the NO...I'll do you one better. Ima gonna save you time every effin' day. A lot of you post tons of horseshit interesting information on Twitter, Facebook, Linked In and Instagram that I don't need to know. 

So, as a PUBLIC SERVICE, I'll give you 5 TOPICS YOU CAN STOP posting on social media right now. 

 


 Trust me - nobody cares what you think about...

Since everybody knows that Facebook is the generic word for SOCIAL MEDIA (like in Texas where every carbonated beverage is a "Coke" as in, "We only have Pepsi Coke, will that Coke be OK?) here are some handy tips that'll keep you from wasting time talking about crap that NOBODY cares about. And of course, by NOBODY, I mean ME. 

5 Rules for Facebook 

Trust me - nobody cares what you think about:

Momma always said, "Stupid is as stupid does..."

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1. Politics

I know you're disappointed/elated/suicidal/moving to Europe because of the election results. Believe me, it's not MY fault you won or lost. You know why? I won't tell you. And you know why I won't tell you? I voted using the SECRET BALLOT. What part of SECRET are you people having a hard time understanding?

We've checked our files and YOU are definitely not on the list...

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2. Religion

OK, I get it. YOU'RE going to HEAVEN and I'm going to HELL. You'll always pray more, praise more, pledge more, and sacrifice more animals/virgins/delicious Taco Bell Gordita Crunch-Wrap Supremes than me. Congratulations! Contest over. You WIN. Worried about my tortured soul? Don't be. I've got two words for you: SILENT PRAYER. It's a great concept. Try it on for size and see if it fits.

Funny...these things sold like hotcakes at our last in-home demonstration

MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING -Stretch Armstrong-580.jpg

3. Multi-Level Marketing
I'm sure your juicer/kitchen gadget/drink mix/jewelry/weight loss formula is the best thing to hit America since Vitameatavegamin. I'm also sure that if your product was as wonderful as you say it is I could buy it without enduring a 45-minute in-home demonstration or attending a conference. Why? Because it'd be available online or in a real store. What you're in is called a "cult". Look it up. These don't usually end well.

I always lose when I play Frog Vs Monkey...maybe if I bought him a digital knife?

GAMES - Just Chillin-600.jpg

4. Games
Online games - like Vegas - are designed to make the people on the other side of the table/screen/bar money. Are you on the other side of the table/screen/bar? Didn't think so. Guess what? You lose! Thanks for playing, please give us your credit card and spin again.

This is Me and Velma at Maw-Maw's Memorial Service

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5. Over-Sharing
I am truly sorry/happy you have diarrhea/constipation/shingles or that your son/daughter/wife/husband/spinster aunt just won the Grand Prize in the Guess How Many Jellybeans Are In The Jar Contest. You want to brag about it? OK, here's the deal. Put it in your 5-page Christmas Letter. I won't read that either. 

Now, if y'all will excuse me, I've got to post this on Facebook. 

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Just Desserts: Crockpot Cranberry-Apple Crisp

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Since fall has finally arrived in Texas, Bob and I have been in the mood for apples. He picked up some wonderful fresh ones great for munching. I wanted to make an apple dessert but peeling those little darlings can be a chore.

Then I remembered this cobbler-like favorite. It uses canned apple pie filling so there's no work required. I spike it with extra cinnamon and dried cranberries for the perfect combination of sweet and sour. Then layer on an oatmeal cookie-type crust that gets nice and crisp on top as it bakes while staying moist and chewy underneath. Yum!

Perfect for fall, this no-work dessert includes dried cranberries, cinnamon and canned apple pie filling topped with a 4-ingredient, oatmeal cookie-type crust.  Ready to Serve-600.jpg

With only seven ingredients, this autumn-inspired dessert is quick and easy to put together. You can have it in the crockpot in 5 - 10 minutes, especially if you use a stand mixer to make the crust.

Normally, I sweeten that heavenly topping with brown sugar. But last week, I tried a free sample of Truvia Brown Sugar Blend instead. It combines Truvia natural sweetener with brown sugar so it has 75% fewer calories than the real thing. In fact, 1/4 cup of this new blend has 105 calories and provides the same sweetness as 1/2 cup of brown sugar that has 415 calories. That's quite a savings and, even better, we couldn't taste the difference!

I used new Truvia Brown Sugar Blend instead of regular brown sugar to sweeten the topping and save calories in this seven-ingredient dessert.

Apple Crisp Ingredients-600.jpgThree hours in the slow cooker produces a warm, comforting dessert. You can dish it up immediately or make it ahead and reheat the next day as I do. Either way, if your family's anything like mine, they're sure to fall for this apple-licious treat.

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Crockpot Cranberry Apple-Crisp

Serves 6

  • 1/2 cup dried cranberriesThumbnail image for Ready to Serve-600.jpg
  • 2 (21-ounce) cans apple pie filling
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 3/4 cup quick oats
  • 1/4 cup Truvia Brown Sugar Blend or 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 4 tablespoons margarine at room temperature

Place cranberries, pie filling and cinnamon in a large bowl. Stir gently and pour into slow cooker.

Mix oats, Truvia and flour in another bowl. Cut in butter with a pastry blender, two knives or the pastry attachment on a stand mixer.

Sprinkle topping over cranberry-apple mixture.

Cover. Cook on Low 3 hours.

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We'd like to shout out a big "Thank You" to Truvia for providing a free sample of its Brown Sugar Blend for review and testing. A one-pound, resealable bag of this new baking blend is $5.99 at retailers nationwide.

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Comfort Corner: Easy, Cheesy Hash Brown Potato Casserole

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It takes some juggling to please everyone at our holiday table. Our son Cole's not crazy about cranberry sauce. My stepfather Ken doesn't eat broccoli or almonds. My mom Patsy's not keen on pumpkin. Then there's Ashley. Let's just say the list of what my precious niece likes is MUCH shorter than what she avoids.

But this Easy Cheesy Hash Brown Potato Casserole is one side they all adore. I guess that's why it's been part of our holiday celebrations for almost 40 years. My mom made it for many a family gathering when I was a teenager. Then when I married Bob, his mother Jo taught me a yummy variation. Her secret was using frozen Potatoes O'Brien with onions and peppers already mixed in instead of the plain Jane version. That's a great way to cut chopping time!

This Easy, Cheesy Hash Brown Potato Casserole makes a super side for Thanksgiving, Christmas or any festive get-together.

Ready to Serve-600.jpgSince then, I've tweaked the recipe to lighten the ingredients. But it's as easy as ever. You just combine sour cream, canned soup, seasonings and cheese with frozen hash browns and bake.

You need only seven ingredients to make this company-worthy baked potato casserole.

Potato Casserole Ingredients-600.jpg

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