I'll admit that I'm more of a winter person than a summer person. I like the cold weather, because my body temp runs a little warmer than some folks **cue Foreigner singing Hot Blooded**.
When it's 25 outside, my body temp is just about normal. I like that.
Having said that, I've had all the winter I want for 2015. North Texas has had repeated rounds of ice, freezing rain, sleet, snow, THUNDER SNOW, THUNDER ICE and FROZEN FROGS dropping from the sky like a Biblical plague.
This is an "after" photo taken when we removed the millions of frozen amphibians from our pond
OK, I made up the part about the frogs, but you get the idea. Just know that I'm done with it.
Why? Because - wait for it - Texans SUCK at driving in snow and ice. There, I said it. C'mon, you were thinking it too, weren't you?
Charlotte hosted her Bunco bunch here at Boomer Brief HQ a few nights ago. Being the smart caring, nurturing husband that I am, I took off for the ranch to give them a testosterone-free house. Hey, that's just how I roll.
Sleet, snow and freezing rain were predicted for the next day, but the forecast said it'd be west and north of us. Colleywood, and its Grey Poupon-loving neighborhoods, would be spared the brunt of the icy blast. You pay a little more...you geta little more...AMIRITE?
Snow was piling up faster than Twitter crashes on Interstate 20...
I made it to the ranch without any problem. Took care of my chores...started a fire in the fireplace...poured myself a big ass glass of wine and settled in for the night.
I need a fire this big to keep the ranch chupacabras away
Next morning I woke up bright an early. It was cold outside - 28 degrees - which meant I could turn off the air conditioner. I got in my Eco-friendly SUV (EPA-rated 2.5 MPG) and took off for Colleywood.
I get better gas mileage when I remove the .50 caliber machine guns from the luggage rack
My trip was easy while I was in the country. Cowboys driving fully-loaded cattle trailers passed me, and merged into traffic like perfect gentlemen. No problem.
That all changed as I neared downtown Fort Worth.
A Kia SUV decided that if the speed limit was 70 mph, then BY GOD he'd drive 70 mph, just to show the weather gods he wasn't a pussy. Did I mention he passed me in a blizzard while texting. I. AM. NOT. MAKING. THIS. UP.
I think I'll get on Twitter and tell 'em it's snowing
I'm saving the best part for last.
When I got to the Fort Worth Mixmaster (AKA TXDOT's idea of a joke) and inched my way to the VERY TOP...we STOPPED. I guess it was so everyone could update their Facebook pages with snowy photos of downtown Fort Worth.
I wonder how many "Likes" I'll get when I tell all my Friends I'm stuck up here
After about a half-hour sitting in a snowstorm, traffic began to move. I can only assume that the guy holding everyone up ran out battery power on his iPhone.
I finally made it back to the land of Lord HubbaBubba, where the snow was piling up faster than Twitter crashes on Interstate 20.
Donner Party of 8...your table's ready
I know I'll be complaining about the Texas heat in...3-2-1...any day now. But, I've learned my lesson.
I'd rather be hot blooded (admit it, the song's stuck in your head right now) than FROZEN. Then again, maybe I should just Let It Go (see what I did there?).
This is TEXAS after all.
I bet Charlotte and I will be hopping over our backyard fence to crash join Lord and Lady HubbaBubba's Spring Garden Party in a couple of days.
Carson...take these interlopers to the stables and give them a sound thrashing