Now that Apple has unveiled this iPhone on steroids called an iPad, we can confirm two very important things:

1)     Apple's naming gurus are masters of the obvious

2)     This is probably something I'll spend money on at some point in my life

The problem Boomers, is that this is another example of technology run amok. 

Sure, it's well-intentioned in a LET'S MAKE A BOATLOAD OF MONEY way, but I don't want to be the first kid on my block to have one. 

It's enough to make even Steve Jobs turn his iPad into an iFRISBEE. 

Here's why.

As cool as this technology looks, my middle-aged brain tells me there's no way in HELL it will work for me.  I'm a pretty techno-savvy guy.  I mean, hey I've got this cool Boomer blog and stuff, so technology and I are on speaking terms.  But, have you ever gotten one of these things out of the box and had it work as advertised?  Me neither.

Charlotte's the same way.

She has a voice that only small dogs in foreign countries can hear.  It's soft.  Southern.  High-pitched.  And totally beyond the register of any male with normal hearing.  Your charming Boomer Blogger included.

Now, since this iPad is like a really BIG iPhone, it'll probably have speech recognition built into it.  This'll never work for Charlotte or anyone from the South.  C'mon, think about it.     

Do you really believe someone from Dallas will be able to tell it to do anything?  Our accents will fry the technology.  Every time we say "fixin' to" it will be translated as SIX TEN TWO and then try dialing the number. 

Want to find something on LBJ?  Good luck. 

Any Dallasite knows this little gem will translate LBJ into "el BJ".  I'm guessing this could make for some awkward multicultural moments.  Try explaining that NSFW Google search to your boss.

Walter Isaacson's book American Sketches (reviewed below) has a nice piece on the trials and tribulations of developing speech recognition technology.  Isaacson tells a story about how frustrated software developers get when the words "Recognize Speech" are translated into "Wreck-A-Nice-Beach".  It's enough to make even Steve Jobs turn his iPad into an iFrisbee.

No, I won't be one of the early adopters.  If my Granbury High School speech teacher Pat McPherson couldn't make me GET rid of my GITS and JISTS, an iPad doesn't stand a chance.     

It's probably better for my marriage that I hold off on that iPad purchase.  Because Boomers, I love Dickey's barbecue and I'm thinking that speech translation would just be too much for Charlotte.

Comments