Man, I love the future. I can't wait for 2012. Do you know what happens in the year 2012? Cell phones work everywhere. Dude, I'm serious. You get terrific reception in the air, land, sea, airplanes, the middle of effing NOWHERE. One more thing about the year 2012 - it's the year the planet BLOWS UP.
Guess I should've said SPOILER ALERT. Sorry.
2012 is the latest in a long line of disaster movies that you've seen before. The only thing different about this one is that the CGI effects are UNBELIEVEABLE (Now's the time to get that Blu-ray player) and John Cusack is the guy caught in the middle of all this mayhem.
Boomers, if you've see the trailer, you've already figured out that this is The Poseidon Adventure-meets Towering Inferno-Earthquake-on Dante's Peak. All I can say it's a crying shame Shelly Winters is dead. She'd be fabulous in this epic.
John Cusack plays an unsuccessful novelist/divorced father of two, who accidentally stumbles across the actual site of where the world will begin to end (with me so far?). So happens it's in the middle of where he wants to take his brood camping.
You know what happens next. Military men swoop in and get all "what part of RESTRICTED AREA" are you having a hard time wrapping your head around?" and shoo him back to civilization.
This is when everyone piles into the limo (don't ask) and Cusack inadvertently picks up crazy ol' Woody Harrelson broadcasting his doomsday message. Instead of switching to Lite Rock, sounds of the 60's-70's and 80's like he should - he remembers his meet up with military muscle. That's when this whole end-of-the-world rant is starting to sound real. As in IT'S REALLY GONNA HAPPEN.
Before you can say WTF? The world starts blowing up. And boy does it look spectacular when it does. We're treated to everything from The White House to the Sistine Chapel getting destroyed. And Cusack's escape from Los Angeles will keep you on the edge of your seat (remember the old Back to the Future ride at Universal Studios?). Yeah, it's like that.
Along their way out of Armageddon, we're treated to back story about Cusack's ex-wife, kids and ex-wife's boyfriend. We also get a convoluted story about a Russian oligarch who spent two billion dollars just to make sure his family is on the last train to Clarksville. But enough about that, how 'bout them explosions?
Director Roland Emmerich (10,000 B.C., Independence Day) knows how to use special effects to keep you glued to your seat. He pulls out all of the stops on 2012 and you'll be exhausted by the time the credits roll.
Do Cusack and family make it out alive? What about the rich Russian oligarch and his family. And the poor Chinese shipbuilder - WHAT ABOUT HIM? Who cares? By the time this movie clocks out at 158 minutes (a little long, but it's all on the screen baby) you realize it just doesn't matter.
I may watch 2012 again. Yeah, I know how it ends. But I want to look ahead to that day in the future where you get excellent cell phone service even when you're flying over a volcano and every cell tower on the planet is crumbling into dust. I just can't wait.
The Boomer Brief recommends Netflix for your movie rentals. The monthly rental packages start at only $4.99 - and you can cancel at any time.