Charlotte and I filed our damages claim with British Petroleum over a month ago. Boomers, it wasn't easy. BP makes you come up with YEARS of records just to recapture a dime of lost income.
You think the government is picky? Nah...send something to BP and I swear you'll hear Alice Cooper singing Welcome to my Nightmare while you wait on hold.
To file our claim we've dug through dusty boxes of even dustier tax returns. Rummaged through rental receipts. Burrowed for business licenses... We combed through so much old stuff that we probably crossed paths with that Indiana Jones-looking Egyptian guy from the History Channel.
Yeah, we dug THAT DEEP.
Then read the conclusion after the jump.
We bundled up everything and sent it to BP certified mail. And what has it gotten us? Bupkus (Etymology: Yiddish; probably short for kozebubkes, literally, goat droppings).
You're probably saying to yourself, *head shaking* That ol' Bob...boy can he exaggerate!
And you're right, I DO exaggerate. GOAT DROPPINGS would be something - which is more than BP has paid for our loss.
My favorite exchange was a recent phone call with a BP Claims Center employee:
BP PAY ME
A play (in what's looking like) Multiple Acts
BP GUY: We can't process your claim. Understand, I'm not saying we WON'T process your claim. It's just we need more information before we can move forward.
Me: So, lemme see. I mailed you three years of tax returns, three years of rental income receipts, my Gulf Shores, AL business license, a marketing flyer from the management company showing how much our place rents for in the summer and a color copy of my photo ID...what's missing?
BP GUY: We have a problem with your ID. It's all black and I can't read it.
Me: But I sent you a nice. Clean. Color. Copy. Why is it BLACK?
BP GUY: The BP main office scanned it. Copied it. And faxed it to me. That's why it's black.
Me: Ummm, OK. I'll be happy to send you another copy, but let me ask YOU a question.
BP GUY: OK.
Me: What makes you think the same people who SCANNED, COPIED and FAXED it to you the last time WON'T DO IT AGAIN?
I'm telling you Boomers, I think the Coast Guard has this oil spill deal all wrong. That's not crude washing up in the Gulf.
It smells a lot like goat droppings.