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The Dead Janitors Club

By Bob on September 9, 2010 6:00 AM

The Dead Janitors Club: Pathetically True Tales of a Crime Scene Cleanup King isn't for the faint of heart or squeamish. But then, if you're picking up a book about crime scene cleanup, you have to know it's not going to be the sequel to Heidi.

Jeff Klima's morbid memoir is fast-paced, laugh-out-loud funny, irreverent and at times engrossing (emphasis on the gross). If you're a fan of Elmore Leonard, David Lynch or Quentin Tarantino, you'll love this book. I sure did.

 

How often do you get the chance to knock around the world behind the yellow crime scene tape? Klima takes you there in explicit detail. He pulls back the curtain on this sanctum sanctorum to reveal a place where nobody wants to go. Sometimes that even includes him.

 

Dead Janitor's Club - 300.jpgThis is nothing like TV's CSI. No, the people that inhabit Klima's messy universe range from the depressingly poor, to the get-it-done-yesterday rich. The cops are jaded, tired and tight fisted. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it -- so long as that someone can come in under budget. 

     

In some ways this is almost a business book. Even this dirty business isn't an overnight success. As the new kids on the block, Orange County Crime Scene Cleaners have a hard time making a name for themselves. But when the phone starts ringing, Klima and company are fighting congested LA traffic to clean up someone's mess.

 

And what messes! Convicts throw child molesters out fifth story windows; people commit suicides in bathtubs and aren't discovered for days; gang shootings take teenagers in Toyota's and it all has to be cleaned up.

 

In the hands of a less talented author, this book would simply be a travelogue of gruesome detail. Klima doesn't take this road. He rejects the, "and then I cleaned up this guy who jumped off the overpass," way of storytelling to keep you dialed in to the next 911 call.

 

You sweat along with him in the incredibly hot hazmat suit. Learn that Simple Green and common bleach will clean up just about anything. And discover that while no one can negotiate their way out of death - you can (and definitely should) haggle your way to a better price on the cleanup.

 

Klima shines a bright light on this black comedy. You may not always like what you see, but The Dead Janitors Club is a book you'll never forget. 

 

Author: Jeff Klima

Publisher: Sourcebooks

Penned: June 2010

Time Out: You'll devour the 352 pages like hot-buttered popcorn. Once you start, you won't be able to put it down.

Beach Worthy: I read it on the beach, but Klima's compelling prose had me smelling Clorox.  

Available: Amazon.com

 

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Diabetes-Friendly Chicken Burrito Bowl

ChickenBurritoBowlEverydayDiabetes 600.jpg

By Laura Cipullo and Lisa Mikus, authors of Everyday Diabetes Meals
Image credit: Colin Erricson

Prepare your own Mexican quick fix with this Chipotle-inspired bowl. Carbs are moderated by filling the bowl with beans, extra veggies and chicken. No need for rice, since the beans count as carbs.

Tips:

If you love tomatoes, increase the quantity to 1/2 cup, but note that the carbohydrates will also increase.

If preparing this recipe for one person, cut all of the ingredients in half. Or simply prepare the full recipe up to the end of step 2 and store leftover chicken and vegetable-bean mixture in separate airtight containers in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, or until heated through, and continue with step 3.

Health Bite: The iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc in black beans help to keep bones strong and healthy.

Continue Reading »

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Windy City

It's been almost 18 years since Alison Krauss gave us a solo album, but the wait is over with Windy City. The release (her fifth solo studio album) features ten covers of classic songs (and some bonus tracks) she picked with producer Buddy Cannon.

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