Guest Room

Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex

By Bob on February 14, 2011 6:39 AM

With February being the loooove month, Charlotte suggested we include some romantic content in The Brief. Since I'm not really the romance expert (I'll never understand why a chainsaw isn't a perfectly acceptable gift) I turned to the pros.

That's when I called in Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis to give some Boomer advice.

 

Maggie and Julienne are the authors of Stop calling him Honey...and start having Sex! How Changing Your Everyday Habits Will Make You Hot for Each Other All Over Again. In addition to being a real page-turner, their new book is jam packed with easy-to-use relationship advice that any couple can use.

 

There's no mention of chainsaws in the book, but based on what little I know after 33 years of marriage, let's just assume Maggie and Julienne wouldn't approve. Here are a couple of suggestions from their book.

Three Tips for Putting the "Spark" Back in the Bedroom by Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis

 

Feeling more like roommates than husband and wife?  Three tips that will help put the spark back in the bedroom.

 

You love each other, respect each other, you make a great team, but you no longer want to rip each other's clothes off. It's the great unspoken secret of many couples who find themselves in virtually sexless relationships. In our book "Stop Calling Him Honey ... And Start Having Sex!" we discuss this "roommate syndrome" and how to get out of it.

 

In our nearly ten years of research, we found that it's some of our daily habits that cause this sexual sabotage. So before you think about changing partners, try changing those habits instead.

 

Stop those silly pet names 

Pet names take away your gender and your individuality.  You called each other by your names when you met. You were interested and fascinated with one another - why did that stop?  Do you really want to be just another "honey" or "sweetie" in your partner's life? Try talking to each other like sexual adults and use your partner's name again. It will hit your brain in a different place, and its effect is notable in your perception of each other. Names are powerful. 

 

Put some walls back up again 

Close that bathroom door! Too many of us think that doing everything in front of our partner is all part of being intimate with each other. But it's not. It's actually the constant repetition of bad habits like leaving that bathroom door open that slowly but surely take away the mystery in your relationship. You don't have to live formally with your partner, but try to bring back a little mystery, respect and dignity in these areas.

 

Don't forget to grow as an individual 

Once the kids leave home, many couples look at each other and think "now what?" It's easy to get lost in our roles either as "parent" or as "husband" or "wife." But what about you? Take time for yourself and explore who you are on your own. Whether it's reading a new book, taking an art class, or going on a hike - whatever it may be - you need to take the time to re-discover your passions in life. When you bring that passion for life back into your relationship, it keeps things fresh and exciting between you.  And what's sexier than someone who has a lust for life? 

 

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