Don't Try This At Home

BP Day (Or, How Bill Murray Became My Hero)

By Bob on March 12, 2012 6:21 AM

Remember the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day? You know the one where Murray plays a TV weatherman who is doomed to reliving the same day (Groundhog Day) over and over again?

 

Well, this just in...IT'S NOT FICTION.

 

I'm in a sequel to the movie right now. It's called BP Day. Lemme 'splain.

 

Waaaaaaay back in July 2010 we filed a claim with British Petroleum for damages related to the Deep Water Horizon Oil Spill. You remember that don't you? It's what they now refer to as the WORST ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER IN U.S. HISTORY. The one we told you about here and here and yeah, here. 

 

This Is How The Beach Looks in 2012 - Gorgeous!

After filling out the form - providing three years of tax returns - property deed - business owner's license and three years of income statements, we finally had the documents we needed to file the "official" claim.  BP - true to its word - DID pay us a modest "interim" payment. They ALSO promised to review our remaining claim and reach a final settlement.

 

None of this was great, but at least we were paid something and we had an actual "person" assigned to our claim. Then the s**t hit the fan tar hit the sand, because that's when the Federal Government looked at how well BP was handling things and said, "Dude, we got it from here."

 

Oh, no they didn't.

 

They replaced BP's 12-page claim form with a 27-page form. They fired-relocated-sent-to-a-bureaucrat-reeducation-camp most of the BP claims adjusters. They offered all the folks with damage claims a FINAL SETTLEMENT OFFER. This is the sign-here-and-agree-not-to-sue-us-forever-and-ever-and-we'll-give-you-pennies-on-the-dollar deal.

 

Guess what? We were ready to take it.

 

---

 

We Were Greeted At The Door By An Armed Policeman

Cut to last Thanksgiving.    

 

Charlotte and I ventured in the Claims Facility when we were in Gulf Shores. We were greeted at the door by an armed policeman and asked to sign in so we could see an adjuster. We did. He met with us and the conversation went like this:

 

Claims Guy - What can we do for you today?

 

Bob - We'd like to hear more about the Final Claim Offer. Can you 'splain it to us?

 

Claims Guy - It's really easy. Since you've already received some money, all we have to do is complete this form - sign it - and you'll get a check. How's that sound?

 

Bob - Sounds good...where do it...

 

Claims Guy - Before you sign, I'd suggest reviewing your lost income to make sure you receive the maximum payout. Do you have the documents....?

 

Bob - Not with me. I just thought we'd sign and...

 

Claims Guy (Standing up to shake hands) -- Why don't you review them and get back with us. We'll be here until (no kidding) August 2013.

 

Bob - I...Ok...

 

AND SCENE

 

 

 

Soooo....when were at the beach last week, we went back to the Claims Facility - made it past the armed guard - and were ready to sign the effin' form and be done with it.

 

GROUNDHOG DAY!

 

Here's how it went THIS time:

 

Claims Guy (putting down his dip cup, so he could shake hands) - I see you didn't bring documentation.

 

Bob - Well, we met with someone else the last time. You see, you already have our documentation...we've received an interim payment...so what else could you possibly need?

 

Claims Guy (tapping on his keyboard) - I don't see it in our system. I'm NOT saying we DON'T have it - but to tell you the truth a LOT of the BP files didn't get transferred when the government took over.

 

Bob - So you're telling me that when BP handed off to the Government you hit the reset button? Now, we start over with three years of tax returns and....

 

Claims Guy (after spiting into his dip cup) - Yep.

 

AND SCENE

 

If I ever meet Bill Murray I'm going to tell him that he was robbed by the Academy in 1993. The guy should've won an Oscar for his Groundhog Day performance.

 

After having my Groundhog Day(s) with BP and The Government - I honestly don't know how Murray did that role without his head exploding.

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