Don't Try This At Home

Here's Why You're Not Happy

By Bob on October 13, 2014 4:04 AM

I try to keep my fingers on the pulse of all that's going on in the world so I can keep you guys informed. But here lately it's been pretty damned exhausting. Why? Our reader millions of readers may ask. 

We live near Dallas, so it's a full time job just keeping Ebola from swallowing us whole, or talking to a reporter from CNN. 

You ever try and outrun Anderson Cooper? 

That sumbitch is fast. And his hair is always perfect.

I sat down at my state-of-the-art computer in my tastefully decorated office and pondered how to be happy.

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For the longest time, I thought all we had to fear were Iranian NUKES and our neighborhood CHUPACABRA (we call him Chuck, but he'll chew through cast iron when he hears any human sound). I'm coming clean with this admission: I WAS SO NOT RIGHT (I'm still having a hard time saying I was wrong). There's plenty to keep you awake at night, even if I was way off on my short list of dangerous things. 

So...as a public service, I'll give you 5 reasons to feel happy right now.

5 Reasons to be Happy

See this sign outside your bedroom window? Stay in bed...

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1. You're Not Here

Chances are you didn't roll over this morning and see this sign out your window. CONGRATULATIONS! It's going to be a great day!


What's worse than a four-year-old throwing a tantrum? 

We don't need no stinkin' badges...but we could use a leash.

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2. These Are NOT Your Neighbors

I did have neighbors like this in college (yes, that was young me in the Edgewood Mobile Home Park) but the carnival left town and the carnies went with it. My neighbors today don't even have an oil well.

Gimme the Fruit Loops and nobody gets hurt.

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3. Children Can't Get a Concealed Handgun License

What's worse than a four-year-old throwing a tantrum? A four-year-old throwing a tantrum with fully loaded 9mm! If that doesn't make you happy, then you're just not trying.

4. Better Call Saul Will Air in February

Admit it, you've been a little down since Breaking Bad ended. Cheer Up! AMC's coming back with the Breaking Bad spin off - Better Call Saul in February. And you know what else? Junior Brown sings the title track.

It's really hopeless...give up now and avoid the rush.

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5. Every Week Ends Like This

Try as hard as you can and every week will still have a WTF in it. So roll with it and realize the odds are stacked against you. Just be thankful you didn't wake up in hell. Or Pisa.



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Guest Room

Diabetes-Friendly Chicken Burrito Bowl

ChickenBurritoBowlEverydayDiabetes 600.jpg

By Laura Cipullo and Lisa Mikus, authors of Everyday Diabetes Meals
Image credit: Colin Erricson

Prepare your own Mexican quick fix with this Chipotle-inspired bowl. Carbs are moderated by filling the bowl with beans, extra veggies and chicken. No need for rice, since the beans count as carbs.


If you love tomatoes, increase the quantity to 1/2 cup, but note that the carbohydrates will also increase.

If preparing this recipe for one person, cut all of the ingredients in half. Or simply prepare the full recipe up to the end of step 2 and store leftover chicken and vegetable-bean mixture in separate airtight containers in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, or until heated through, and continue with step 3.

Health Bite: The iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc in black beans help to keep bones strong and healthy.

Continue Reading »

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Windy City

It's been almost 18 years since Alison Krauss gave us a solo album, but the wait is over with Windy City. The release (her fifth solo studio album) features ten covers of classic songs (and some bonus tracks) she picked with producer Buddy Cannon.

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