Don't Try This At Home

5 Reasons I'm Voting for Frank Underwood for President

By Bob on February 29, 2016 3:59 AM

Charlotte and I have been running this experiment in futility social discourse now for almost six years. During that time we have steadfastly refused to endorse any political candidate or party.

That is, until now. 

After witnessing the 87 Republican debates, 23 Democrat debates, the Iowa Caucus and New Hampshire Primary, we've decided to endorse Frank Underwood for President of the United States.

Wood is a man of steel

Frank Underwood - color - 600.jpgThat may come as a shock to many of you.

In fact, the 3 questions I get asked most often are 1) Isn't Frank Underwood a fictional character played by that charming Kevin Spacey on the Netflix? 2) Are you off your meds? and, 3) What's that smell in your trunk? 

Well, thank you for your concern, but let's stick to why we're endorsing Mr. Underwood.

WARNING - Don't ask for a FULL can of Diet Coke

5 Reasons I'm Voting for Frank Underwood for President

Put some South in yo' mouth

3-RC Cola & Moon Pie-439.jpg1. He's from the South

This country needs a man who will sit down with the electorate over a moon pie and RC Cola and explain how he'll keep us safe. Frank's from South Carolina, so he's seen his share of moon pies and bar fights and he has a plan. He'll kick Isis ass by carpet bombing 'em with sugar treats until they're as fat, dumb and lazy as a morbidly obese Walmart greeter. Then, and only then, will this great nation be truly safe.

The ol' gal taking a much-needed break on Air Force One

1960s Flying - 450.jpg2. He Lets his Mom Fly Free on Air Force One
How can you NOT like a guy who loves his Momma? Sure, he uses her as a flight attendant, but what part of free airfare are you having a hard time wrapping your head around? That gal may be old, but she can push a cart up and down that aisle with the best of 'em. WARNING - Don't ask for a FULL can of Diet Coke. They practice fiscal responsibility on Air Force One and they take that shit seriously.

When the HEAVY STUFF comes down, you'll thank me for this literary gem (PS Richard Gerstell is Frank's pen name)
How to Survive an Atomic Bomb - 442.jpg

3. He's an Author
This little hardback may not be a best seller, but after four years of the Underwood presidency, you'll be glad you have a copy. Mine's autographed and I keep it under my pillow. I sleep better knowing it's there.

These fellas know a thing or two about a thing or twoBusiness Meeting-600.jpg

4. He's Got a Great Cabinet
Every one of these advisers grew up with Frank in South Carolina. They're smart, loyal and slaves to fashion. When the heavy stuff comes down, I want these guys in the Situation Room watching my back until it's safe to switch back to Hee Haw reruns.

Who could ask for anything Gore?

It's My Party - 314.jpg5. He's Got the Support of my Party

And there's no need to cry (but he could if he wanted to) because Frank's got this one in the bag. The others - Hillary, Bernie, Ted, Marco, Donald, and that doctor whose name I can't remember, but he's the one who looks like a slightly less dead version of Bernie Mac - are just wasting their time. When he gets to the convention and the crowd chants, "F-U!, F-U!, F-U!," it'll all be over. And I mean that in a good way. 

Before you go all, "Bob, I'm a longtime fan of House of Cards and your bullshit endorsement doesn't bear any resemblance to the real Frank Underwood on that show," lemme just go ahead and give you an "F" on the mid-term right now.  

He's a FICTIONAL character.

For all you know I'M a fictional character and this column was written by a room full of monkeys with Smith Corona typewriters connected to the internets. 

Now that we've got that cleared up, you can see plenty of the real/fictional Frank Underwood beginning March 4th on Netflix. Season 4 of House of Cards will be streaming and it'll take your mind off all the cartoon antics of the real election. 

I'll be watching with my monkey friends who help me write this column.

House of Cards Season 4 - 500.jpg 


House of Cards

Orange is the New Black

Bojack Horseman

Red Thong Strong: Girlfriends Little Secrets to Smoothing Lifes Panty Lines
Guest Room

Diabetes-Friendly Chicken Burrito Bowl

ChickenBurritoBowlEverydayDiabetes 600.jpg

By Laura Cipullo and Lisa Mikus, authors of Everyday Diabetes Meals
Image credit: Colin Erricson

Prepare your own Mexican quick fix with this Chipotle-inspired bowl. Carbs are moderated by filling the bowl with beans, extra veggies and chicken. No need for rice, since the beans count as carbs.


If you love tomatoes, increase the quantity to 1/2 cup, but note that the carbohydrates will also increase.

If preparing this recipe for one person, cut all of the ingredients in half. Or simply prepare the full recipe up to the end of step 2 and store leftover chicken and vegetable-bean mixture in separate airtight containers in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, or until heated through, and continue with step 3.

Health Bite: The iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc in black beans help to keep bones strong and healthy.

Continue Reading »

Playing Favorites

Windy City

It's been almost 18 years since Alison Krauss gave us a solo album, but the wait is over with Windy City. The release (her fifth solo studio album) features ten covers of classic songs (and some bonus tracks) she picked with producer Buddy Cannon.

Continue Reading »

Follow Us

Follow us on Twitter: @BoomerBrief 

and @CharlotteBoomer

Follow Charlotte on Pinterest:  Follow Me on Pinterest

Follow Bob on Pinterest

Know someone battling cancer? Baylor Health Care System's Sammons Says... cancer blog is a great place to go for help. Here, you'll find information, resources, physicians, support groups and just about everything you need to help you navigate your way through this illness.

Now Trending 

We Like These Sites 

Senior Forums is a great place to get the news and share views on everything from hobbies and healthcare, to food, family & travel. 

Matt Drudge gets the goods and his site ain't bad either.

The Huffington Post is the gold standard of political blogs.

You don't have to live in Dallas to enjoy D Magazine.

More →