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Don't Try This At Home

Life's better with a Laugh Track

By Bob on June 5, 2017 4:49 AM

I've been thinking a lot about humor lately. Because, let's face it, we're in a comedy drought.

As you can see in this chart, our comedy quotient has been shrinking since 1927

Donut Hole Size-500.jpg Before you cli...WHOOPS I LOST YOU...give me a chance to 'splain

 THEN YOU CAN CLICK.

OK? Jeez, this is a tough room.

By the end of this post, you'll be singing a different tune

The Singing Midget-600.jpgAs I was saying, there isn't much to laugh at these days. Politics, terrorists, United Airlines, gun violence...and don't EVEN get me started about your state's BATHROOM BILL. There's nothing funny there. Move along, please. 

Comedians...that's where we'll turn to get our laughs! Right? 

Did you see Kathy Griffin's wildly inappropriate impersonation of a Trump jihadist? How'd that work out?


It was great. Especially the turn-down service... 

Yeah, it kinda played out like this

No Hot Dog for You-600.jpgNope. I've decided that if I have a snowball's chance in H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS (pardon my language) of laughing anytime soon, I'll have to take matters into my own hands.

So, when I'm not listening to the voices in my head, I just make my own humor.  

In my defense, he asked for it

That's for being stupid-480.jpgLike the other day at ALBERTSON'S. 

I'm in the Express Lane with ONE item: a jar of Light Mayonnaise (don't ask). 

20-Something-Checker: "That'll be $3.49. You want a bag for that? 

Bob: "No thanks. I'll eat it here." 

**crickets** 

THANK YOU! I'M HERE ALL WEEK. CATCH MY NEXT SHOW IN THE FROZEN FOOD AISLE. 

Or this gem.

I'm thinkin' that's not Mountain Dew she's drinkin'Gettin Married - 563.jpg

Charlotte and I attended a wedding in rural Texas. We booked a room at the hotel so we wouldn't have to drive home after the reception. 

The next morning one of the other wedding guests asked, "How'd you like your room?" 

Bob: "It was great. Especially the turn-down service." 

Other guest (scratching head): "You got turn-down service? I didn't know they did that." 

Bob: "Well, all I know is that someone left a can of Copenhagen on my pillow and a bottle of Mountain Dew on the night stand. I thought it was turn-down service." 

**MORE crickets**

Sometimes I get a frosty reception

Polar Bear-500.jpgFor those of you who are interested, I'll be doing shows next week at Whataburger, Centre Dry Cleaners, Walgreen's and our newly remodeled Super Target. 

You're welcome, America.

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