Don't Try This At Home

Bank on It, or Don't. We Don't Give a Sh**.

By Bob on March 26, 2012 4:42 AM

Charlotte has this theory that women of a certain age are somehow "invisible". Not Claude-Rains-invisible, but "HEY I'M STANDING IN LINE HERE. DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP ME?" invisible.


For the longest time, I've ignored listened intently as she described one experience after another. This week it's the 20-somethings at Banana Republic. Next week it's Ann Taylor. The week after that it's a server at a restaurant. Stuff like this happens often enough, you're gonna get a complex. Or, maybe just tell me. Either way, I'm good.


At least I was good, until IT HAPPENED TO ME.


That's right Boomerverse. Now I'M invisible, too. Here's the deal.


Invisible Bob with Text - 640.jpgI went to the bank to make a deposit one morning last week. It was one of those inside-the-grocery-store branches with a name that rhymes with Wells Fargo (Ooops). I'm standing in line patiently waiting my turn, when I realize the math isn't right.


There are 4 tellers and 1 customer. The 1 customer was cashing a check (easy transaction) so it left 3 tellers to do...? My rocket scientist brain sprang into action and figured it out.


The other 3 tellers were divided up like this:
* One female teller flirting with a male teller
* Two female tellers eavesdropping on the flirt-fest while trying to be inconspicuous and avoid looking at any customers (by now there were 2 of us invisible people) standing in line



Now, before you can say "Oh, no you just didn't."



Good times. Good times.


Screw it, I thought. I'll let it slide. Hell, sometimes it's even good to be invisible. I forgot about it.


Until the next day when the phone rang.


Boomers, you're gonna loooooove this. Hang on.


Survey Woman: Mr. Hill this is ***** with Gallup poling. We're conducting a survey and would like to ask you a couple of questions. Do you have a moment?


Invisible Bob: (thinking to myself, this is probably political and they want my views on Paul-Santorum-Romney-Gingrich-L. Ron Hubbard) Sure...I guess so.


Survey Woman: Our records show that you made a visit to (rhymes with Wells Fargo) branch yesterday. Were you happy with your transaction?


Now, before you can say "Oh, no you just didn't." I DID.


Invisible Bob: Happy? No, I wouldn't go that far. Although the young female teller flirting with the male teller seemed pretty happy while they made me wait in line. When they were finished they looked pretty happy. Maybe you should call them.


Survey Woman: Uh....I...Oh, I see. Well, rating your experience on a 1-5 scale, with 1 being very unsatisfied and 5 being very satisfied, what number would you give?


What I wanted to say was "I'd give them a 1 for making me feel like #2". Here's what I said, instead.


Invisible Bob: 1, I'd give them a 1.


The Survey Woman soldiered on with her survey. Every question got a 1 or a 2. Nothing higher. In about 5 minutes, the survey was about complete and Survey Woman had one final question.


Survey Woman: I notice you responded with a lot of 1's and 2's, indicating your dissatisfaction. Would you like a representative from (rhymes with Wells Fargo) to call you to discuss your experience?


Invisible Bob: Nah, that's OK.


Survey Woman: Do you mind if I ask why not?


Invisible Bob: It wouldn't do any good. (Rhymes with Wells Fargo) would never pay attention to an invisible man.



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Diabetes-Friendly Chicken Burrito Bowl

ChickenBurritoBowlEverydayDiabetes 600.jpg

By Laura Cipullo and Lisa Mikus, authors of Everyday Diabetes Meals
Image credit: Colin Erricson

Prepare your own Mexican quick fix with this Chipotle-inspired bowl. Carbs are moderated by filling the bowl with beans, extra veggies and chicken. No need for rice, since the beans count as carbs.


If you love tomatoes, increase the quantity to 1/2 cup, but note that the carbohydrates will also increase.

If preparing this recipe for one person, cut all of the ingredients in half. Or simply prepare the full recipe up to the end of step 2 and store leftover chicken and vegetable-bean mixture in separate airtight containers in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, or until heated through, and continue with step 3.

Health Bite: The iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc in black beans help to keep bones strong and healthy.

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Windy City

It's been almost 18 years since Alison Krauss gave us a solo album, but the wait is over with Windy City. The release (her fifth solo studio album) features ten covers of classic songs (and some bonus tracks) she picked with producer Buddy Cannon.

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