Now that the mid-term elections are over I've decided to come out of my foxhole. I'm telling you guys, from what I could see looking over this mound of dirt ...it's been BRUTAL out there.
I'll just go on and say what we're all thinking.
Some of you people are bat shit crazy.
Thank GOD we've got social media to sort all this out. If it wasn't for the internet, I wouldn't have an opinion.
According to all of you I'm a blank slate (and BTW how did you get copies of my high school report cards? Damn you Edward Snowden!). Thank you from the bottom of my ignorant heart, for telling me HOW to vote...WHEN to vote...WHO to vote for...and most importantly, WHICH of the candidates were baby-killing Satanists.
THAT was a HUGE help.
We have two years until the next BIG political dustup, so Ima gonna save you some valuable time for the next time around.
Hell to the NO...I'll do you one better. Ima gonna save you time every effin' day. A lot of you post tons of horseshit interesting information on Twitter, Facebook, Linked In and Instagram that I don't need to know.
So, as a PUBLIC SERVICE, I'll give you 5 TOPICS YOU CAN STOP posting on social media right now.
Since everybody knows that Facebook is the generic word for SOCIAL MEDIA (like in Texas where every carbonated beverage is a "Coke" as in, "We only have Pepsi Coke, will that Coke be OK?) here are some handy tips that'll keep you from wasting time talking about crap that NOBODY cares about. And of course, by NOBODY, I mean ME.
Trust me - nobody cares what you think about:
1. Politics
I know you're disappointed/elated/suicidal/moving to Europe because of the election results. Believe me, it's not MY fault you won or lost. You know why? I won't tell you. And you know why I won't tell you? I voted using the SECRET BALLOT. What part of SECRET are you people having a hard time understanding?
2. Religion
OK, I get it. YOU'RE going to HEAVEN and I'm going to HELL. You'll always pray more, praise more, pledge more, and sacrifice more animals/virgins/delicious Taco Bell Gordita Crunch-Wrap Supremes than me. Congratulations! Contest over. You WIN. Worried about my tortured soul? Don't be. I've got two words for you: SILENT PRAYER. It's a great concept. Try it on for size and see if it fits.
3. Multi-Level Marketing
I'm sure your juicer/kitchen gadget/drink mix/jewelry/weight loss formula is the best thing to hit America since Vitameatavegamin. I'm also sure that if your product was as wonderful as you say it is I could buy it without enduring a 45-minute in-home demonstration or attending a conference. Why? Because it'd be available online or in a real store. What you're in is called a "cult". Look it up. These don't usually end well.
4. Games
Online games - like Vegas - are designed to make the people on the other side of the table/screen/bar money. Are you on the other side of the table/screen/bar? Didn't think so. Guess what? You lose! Thanks for playing, please give us your credit card and spin again.
5. Over-Sharing
I am truly sorry/happy you have diarrhea/constipation/shingles or that your son/daughter/wife/husband/spinster aunt just won the Grand Prize in the Guess How Many Jellybeans Are In The Jar Contest. You want to brag about it? OK, here's the deal. Put it in your 5-page Christmas Letter. I won't read that either.
Now, if y'all will excuse me, I've got to post this on Facebook.
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Prepare your own Mexican quick fix with this Chipotle-inspired bowl. Carbs are moderated by filling the bowl with beans, extra veggies and chicken. No need for rice, since the beans count as carbs.
Tips:
If you love tomatoes, increase the quantity to 1/2 cup, but note that the carbohydrates will also increase.
If preparing this recipe for one person, cut all of the ingredients in half. Or simply prepare the full recipe up to the end of step 2 and store leftover chicken and vegetable-bean mixture in separate airtight containers in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, or until heated through, and continue with step 3.
Health Bite: The iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc in black beans help to keep bones strong and healthy.
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Know someone battling cancer? Baylor Health Care System's Sammons Says... cancer blog is a great place to go for help. Here, you'll find information, resources, physicians, support groups and just about everything you need to help you navigate your way through this illness.
Senior Forums is a great place to get the news and share views on everything from hobbies and healthcare, to food, family & travel.
Matt Drudge gets the goods and his site ain't bad either.
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